2003-07-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

It's been the week from hell, emotionally. We finally started talking yesterday after about a couple of days of avoiding each other. We had one nice evening last night, went to a movie and talked more about baby names. Today, our anniversary on the other hand, was another hellish episode. I'm like a kid when it comes to these sort of things, hoping inside for some magical moment during the day or some sort of special treatment. However, after seven years you would think I would learn but no. Today was not any different. He had nothing planned, no flowers, nothing, nada. In fact, we ended up fighting again over finances. The whole day was then ruined no matter how much I tried to put the topic to rest. So much for dinner plans I guess later tonight. I've spent another part of my day crying once again. I'm so sick of crying so much and feeling sad or made to be feel bad all the time. I know it can't possible be healthy for the baby for me to be this sad so much. I can't help it though. The tears won't stop coming. Anyhow, I'm thinking of doing something drastic today and driving out of the city without telling him. I'll stay at a nice hotel for a couple of days I figure, just by myself, get out of this suffocating environment for a while. I wish I could take my little dog with me but they charge a lot per day for pets. I'm sure he'll either be furious with me or just won't even acknowledge my absence. I know for sure he won't be worried at all as to where I am. Perhaps secretly, he might hope I'll never reture. I guess it doesn't really matter either way to me right now. I just need to get out of the house and drive, drive, drive.

2003-07-17T22:55:00.000-07:00

Well, sometimes I think I should have become a lesbian. Perhaps life would have been easier, simpler. I can't believe how insensitive and clueless my husband is, especially since i'm pregnant. I spent another evening wondering what time he'll be at home from work so that I could plan dinner. Of course, the phone didn't ring until the late evening to let me know he was once again with some friends. Promised me that he'd go for a walk with me and the dog, who he hardly notices, once he got home. Feeling slightly optimistic, I quickly got myself ready only to be disappointed once he walked in the door. The business calls started and emails needed to be written from what I was told. The walk was no longer happening and when I complained, only anger and harsh comments were thrown my way, including the telephone, which luckily missed my tummy area. Sometimes i wonder how god could create such insensitive beings. Will spend the night crying myself to sleep as he remains clueless. It's just another day in my life.

The Daily Life